I Don’t Want To Be An Ojakgyo – Chapter 182

Ch 131

Chapter 131:

“What, don’t cry. Why are you crying all of a sudden?”

Shuraina was about to shove the last remaining cookie in her mouth before she put it back, feeling guilty.

“I feel like I’m always on the receiving side in our relationship, and I never pay you back. I just take more and more.”

“Huh?”

“I, I……. I……..”

Hestia couldn’t seem to continue speaking at first. Shuraina, who had been slowly blinking in a sleepy trance, touched the tear that had fallen on her face with a flabbergasted look.

Hestia sobbed for a while before she tamped down her tears and continued speaking.

“I was selfish…….. And you always understood me, so I. I was selfish.”

“……..”

“You’re so precious to me. So I wanted to treasure you……. So I’ve, I’ve been taking things away from you. So you ended up with trash like Eric. Because of me….”

Shuraina, who didn’t really get what she was talking about, frowned slightly before her eyes grew wide. She didn’t know that she would still be feeling guilty for the things that had happened when they were children. She hadn’t even remembered it.

But Hestia was so frightened of Shuraina’s response that she hid her face behind her hands.

Hestia wondered what Shushu’s expression looked like from behind her hands. She had a deep pit of nervousness in her stomach, but she licked at the blood on her lips as she continued speaking.

“To me, you’re worth twice as much as all of the people I have ever met in my life combined. I couldn’t stand seeing people who weren’t even worth your time daring to stand by your.”

After that, Hestia continued to shower Shuraina with her praises until she could calm herself down. From small compliments about her habits and praises about her various talents, about how her appearance and aura match so well–compliments about Shuraina continued to pour out of Hestia’s mouth.

Hestia removed her hand to carefully check Shuraina’s face. Her expression was the same as always. Half-lidded crimson eyes stared at Hestia with affection. For some reason, Hestia wanted to sigh deeply.

Shuraina stared at Hestia, dazed, before she closed her eyes and spoke nonchalantly.

“Take off those rose-tinted glasses of yours. It’s embarrassing.”

Shuraina, who had mussed up her hair with her hands, grabbed the last cookie that she had put back down because Hestia had started crying.

“I’m not wearing any rose-tinted glasses! And even if I did have them on, if you’re next to me, no, anyone who thinks like me, then you’re that great of a person!”

“Whoa.”

“You can deny it a hundred million billion times, but if you’re next to someone who knows your worth, then that’s how worthy you are! If I think of you as a hero, then you’re my hero, and if Baron West and his wife thinks of you as important, then you’re really an important person, and I don’t want to bring their name into it, but anyway, if that little bug thinks you’re precious, then you’re precious!”

Hestia shot to her feet and ranted, and Shuraina was so stunned that she dropped the rest of the cookie.

“That’s why, you don’t have to stay with someone who doesn’t think of you like that.”

Last time, when I went over to Hestia’s place and was faced with her teary rant, I ended up skipping sleep for a brainwashing session by Hestia. Hestia continued to apologize, but continued to provide me cookies until I could call myself cool.

Here was how the brainwashing session went:

“I’m cool…….”

“I’m all that….”

This sentence had burst out of my mouth without my realizing.

The brainwashing had been so effective that whenever my eyes met with anyone else’s, these words just came bursting out.

“I know I’m pretty, stop staring.”

This had burst out of my mouth while Cory and I were walking together. Cory burst into laughter.

It was Cory’s special quiet, continued laughter that kept going for a while.

To repeat: this had been unconscious. It was more like a phrase that I had memorized, word for word, instead of anything I had said after thought.

Eric and I were dating, only by name. We were still together only because neither of us said to break up, but it was basically only by name.

Dating, or romance itself, had been a huge deal for me. But now, I realized that it was just another person to person relationship, nothing more or less. Just like I had tried to be considerate and careful towards my friends and family, dating was the same. I couldn’t just accept confessions from people just because I thought I would never be able to date in my life.

I told Cory that, and he let out a huff of laughter. For some reason, I could see relief in his features.

“So, you accepted because you thought that if you didn’t accept then, you’d never get a confession? It wasn’t that you liked him?”

“Yeah. But I did like Eric towards the beginning of our relationship.”

“Wasn’t that just because he was your boyfriend in name?”

“……”

I was speechless at Cory’s words. That was possible. I thought it was possible, but it must’ve been because I just liked ‘my boyfriend’. Maybe it was because I remembered liking him when I was a kid?

“Worrying that nobody would like you, that’s a bit of a shock.”

Cory muttered to himself as he stared at me. Then, he put his arm on my shoulder and took out the stick candy out of his mouth.

“If you don’t have anyone, come to me.”

“Are you tempted by me too? Don’t be like that, it’s exhausting.”

Then, Cory burst into another fit of laughter. He held onto my shoulder as he laughed, his other hand holding his candy and covering his face. His laughter was a bit louder this time.

Cory playfully spoke, laughter tinged in his voice.

“Why noooot, let’s research magic together after we graduate.”

I wavered slightly at Cory’s words.

“…..That’s not a bad idea. I want to establish a magic tower, too.”

“A magic tower sounds nice, too.”

But after a bit of thought, I shook my head.

“But I can’t. I need to become a knight first.”

“Why are you obsessing over becoming a knight?”

“I really like how the pay is stable, and you get a monthly stipend even after you retire. Most of all….”

“Most of all?”

“My checklist is being checked so thoroughly that I can’t give up on accomplishing my goal.”

Cory tilted his head at my words. It didn’t seem like he understood what I was saying, so I took out a notebook from my bag to show him. It was a notebook full of plans for me to become a high-ranking public official in the empire and had short, mid, and long-term goals and checklists to accomplish said goals.

Cory stared at the checklists that were filled with ‘x’ marks, and the few blank checkboxes left. His eyes were round with understanding as he put his candy back in his mouth again.

“Can you add ‘Magic research with Cory’ at the end over there?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Cory pouted and whined. I let out a huff of laughter. When I told him that I would think about it, Cory looked happy as he placed a stick candy in my ear.

“Add one that says ‘Travel with Yves’.”

I was chatting with Cory about my checklist when Yves’ head popped up as he peered inside the notebook as well.

Yves had joined in so incredibly casually.

When I didn’t react immediately, Yves took his eyes off of the note and instead turned to look at my face.

“If you don’t like that, then ‘Do business with Yves’. How about that?”

“…..I’ll add it in when I’m bored.”

Yves and Cory continued to look at my notes, as if they found it incredible that the goals that I had made when I was a child had come to fruition. While I was with the two that wanted to modify my future as they wanted, Hylli found me and came over.

Hylli called me so we could practice together, but was interested in my notebook that Cory was looking at and joined the rest.

“So that means that the royal knights were a part of your checklist since you were young, right? So it’s going to be me first? I’ll see you after graduation then, Shushu.”

Hylli, for some reason, seemed relieved as he said that.

“If you get more power, please give me more retirement stipends.”

“……you’re the same as always.”

Hylli looked at me with a guffaw before his hair was suddenly grabbed by someone.

Swanhaden was holding Hylli’s black hair as if he was ripping weeds.

“Why are you the first, huh? Do you wanna become bald?”

But Swan, who had met eyes with me, took out a hair-tie from his pocket and, with Hylli’s hair still in his fist, put it in a little ponytail.

Hylli, who ended up with a short ponytail on his head* frowned as he tried to take it off. When I told him that it suited him, he frowned even harder but gave up.

Just like Swanhaden, he popped out of nowhere.

Swanhaden glanced at my notebook before he quietly muttered to himself.

“Should I make a checkbox just like that. My final goal is…..”

“You should stop.”

“Swan, Shushu’s getting stressed.”

“…..I hate it so much I’m getting chills.”

but before Swanhaden could finish his sentence, the others began chiding him. But Swanhaden scowled and responded, saying, “Who are you to care?”

Swanhaden rested his chin on the bench and peeked at me before turning away. His ears seemed red.

“Shushu, can we see this last part?”

Cory asked as he just read the open part of my notebook. The first section was worn from use, but the last section was still generally unused.

Cory seemed curious–he slid one finger in the last section of my notebook as he stared at me.

“Shushu’s least important goal category…….”

“…….You can’t!”

I forgot I had written ‘that’ in the notebook. Before Cory could read all of it, I speedily snatched the notebook away.

At my quick actions, Cory and the other seemed surprised. My heart was pounding. This was one thing that I couldn’t show them. Sorry, guys. Also, you guys are a bit too close. Get off.

“I’m going to go practice.”

Yves’ eyes narrowed at my hurried departure.

Seriously, this was off the table. I was in a bit of shock as I rushed to the training hall. I grabbed my bag and took the wooden sword that Swanhaden had brought for himself as I moved.

“What is it? Is it a journal?”

Yves said, laughter in his voice as he chased after me. The others seemed ready for some mischief as they teased me. Swan didn’t tease me as he said that he would help me practice, but he kept shooting heavy glances at my bag.

Hylli offered to hold my bag from time to time, but I refused because it held my notes. Hylli seemed to have gotten more sly after hanging around with Swan.

I had a feeling that they would read the last section of my notes if this kept going on, so I hugged my bag to my chest as I ran to the training hall.

Thankfully, they didn’t run to chase me, so I slowed down and walked when I was almost there. I dragged Swan’s wooden sword on the ground as I sighed deeply.

I was trying to warm up to calm my beating heart from my previous panic. I was just about to stretch and run a few laps, but, strangely, someone was already there.

Chapter 131:

“What, don’t cry. Why are you crying all of a sudden?”

Shuraina was about to shove the last remaining cookie in her mouth before she put it back, feeling guilty.

“I feel like I’m always on the receiving side in our relationship, and I never pay you back. I just take more and more.”

“Huh?”

“I, I……. I……..”

Hestia couldn’t seem to continue speaking at first. Shuraina, who had been slowly blinking in a sleepy trance, touched the tear that had fallen on her face with a flabbergasted look.

Hestia sobbed for a while before she tamped down her tears and continued speaking.

“I was selfish…….. And you always understood me, so I. I was selfish.”

“……..”

“You’re so precious to me. So I wanted to treasure you……. So I’ve, I’ve been taking things away from you. So you ended up with trash like Eric. Because of me….”

Shuraina, who didn’t really get what she was talking about, frowned slightly before her eyes grew wide. She didn’t know that she would still be feeling guilty for the things that had happened when they were children. She hadn’t even remembered it.

But Hestia was so frightened of Shuraina’s response that she hid her face behind her hands.

Hestia wondered what Shushu’s expression looked like from behind her hands. She had a deep pit of nervousness in her stomach, but she licked at the blood on her lips as she continued speaking.

“To me, you’re worth twice as much as all of the people I have ever met in my life combined. I couldn’t stand seeing people who weren’t even worth your time daring to stand by your.”

After that, Hestia continued to shower Shuraina with her praises until she could calm herself down. From small compliments about her habits and praises about her various talents, about how her appearance and aura match so well–compliments about Shuraina continued to pour out of Hestia’s mouth.

Hestia removed her hand to carefully check Shuraina’s face. Her expression was the same as always. Half-lidded crimson eyes stared at Hestia with affection. For some reason, Hestia wanted to sigh deeply.

Shuraina stared at Hestia, dazed, before she closed her eyes and spoke nonchalantly.

“Take off those rose-tinted glasses of yours. It’s embarrassing.”

Shuraina, who had mussed up her hair with her hands, grabbed the last cookie that she had put back down because Hestia had started crying.

“I’m not wearing any rose-tinted glasses! And even if I did have them on, if you’re next to me, no, anyone who thinks like me, then you’re that great of a person!”

“Whoa.”

“You can deny it a hundred million billion times, but if you’re next to someone who knows your worth, then that’s how worthy you are! If I think of you as a hero, then you’re my hero, and if Baron West and his wife thinks of you as important, then you’re really an important person, and I don’t want to bring their name into it, but anyway, if that little bug thinks you’re precious, then you’re precious!”

Hestia shot to her feet and ranted, and Shuraina was so stunned that she dropped the rest of the cookie.

“That’s why, you don’t have to stay with someone who doesn’t think of you like that.”

Last time, when I went over to Hestia’s place and was faced with her teary rant, I ended up skipping sleep for a brainwashing session by Hestia. Hestia continued to apologize, but continued to provide me cookies until I could call myself cool.

Here was how the brainwashing session went:

“I’m cool…….”“I’m all that….”

This sentence had burst out of my mouth without my realizing.

The brainwashing had been so effective that whenever my eyes met with anyone else’s, these words just came bursting out.

“I know I’m pretty, stop staring.”

This had burst out of my mouth while Cory and I were walking together. Cory burst into laughter.

It was Cory’s special quiet, continued laughter that kept going for a while.

To repeat: this had been unconscious. It was more like a phrase that I had memorized, word for word, instead of anything I had said after thought.

Eric and I were dating, only by name. We were still together only because neither of us said to break up, but it was basically only by name.

Dating, or romance itself, had been a huge deal for me. But now, I realized that it was just another person to person relationship, nothing more or less. Just like I had tried to be considerate and careful towards my friends and family, dating was the same. I couldn’t just accept confessions from people just because I thought I would never be able to date in my life.

I told Cory that, and he let out a huff of laughter. For some reason, I could see relief in his features.

“So, you accepted because you thought that if you didn’t accept then, you’d never get a confession? It wasn’t that you liked him?”

“Yeah. But I did like Eric towards the beginning of our relationship.”

“Wasn’t that just because he was your boyfriend in name?”

“……”

I was speechless at Cory’s words. That was possible. I thought it was possible, but it must’ve been because I just liked ‘my boyfriend’. Maybe it was because I remembered liking him when I was a kid?

“Worrying that nobody would like you, that’s a bit of a shock.”

Cory muttered to himself as he stared at me. Then, he put his arm on my shoulder and took out the stick candy out of his mouth.

“If you don’t have anyone, come to me.”“Are you tempted by me too? Don’t be like that, it’s exhausting.”

Then, Cory burst into another fit of laughter. He held onto my shoulder as he laughed, his other hand holding his candy and covering his face. His laughter was a bit louder this time.

Cory playfully spoke, laughter tinged in his voice.

“Why noooot, let’s research magic together after we graduate.”

I wavered slightly at Cory’s words.

“…..That’s not a bad idea. I want to establish a magic tower, too.”“A magic tower sounds nice, too.”

But after a bit of thought, I shook my head.

“But I can’t. I need to become a knight first.”

“Why are you obsessing over becoming a knight?”

“I really like how the pay is stable, and you get a monthly stipend even after you retire. Most of all….”

“Most of all?”

“My checklist is being checked so thoroughly that I can’t give up on accomplishing my goal.”

Cory tilted his head at my words. It didn’t seem like he understood what I was saying, so I took out a notebook from my bag to show him. It was a notebook full of plans for me to become a high-ranking public official in the empire and had short, mid, and long-term goals and checklists to accomplish said goals.

Cory stared at the checklists that were filled with ‘x’ marks, and the few blank checkboxes left. His eyes were round with understanding as he put his candy back in his mouth again.

“Can you add ‘Magic research with Cory’ at the end over there?”“I’ll think about it.”

Cory pouted and whined. I let out a huff of laughter. When I told him that I would think about it, Cory looked happy as he placed a stick candy in my ear.

“Add one that says ‘Travel with Yves’.”

I was chatting with Cory about my checklist when Yves’ head popped up as he peered inside the notebook as well.

Yves had joined in so incredibly casually.

When I didn’t react immediately, Yves took his eyes off of the note and instead turned to look at my face.

“If you don’t like that, then ‘Do business with Yves’. How about that?”“…..I’ll add it in when I’m bored.”

Yves and Cory continued to look at my notes, as if they found it incredible that the goals that I had made when I was a child had come to fruition. While I was with the two that wanted to modify my future as they wanted, Hylli found me and came over.

Hylli called me so we could practice together, but was interested in my notebook that Cory was looking at and joined the rest.

“So that means that the royal knights were a part of your checklist since you were young, right? So it’s going to be me first? I’ll see you after graduation then, Shushu.”

Hylli, for some reason, seemed relieved as he said that.

“If you get more power, please give me more retirement stipends.”“……you’re the same as always.”

Hylli looked at me with a guffaw before his hair was suddenly grabbed by someone.

Swanhaden was holding Hylli’s black hair as if he was ripping weeds.

“Why are you the first, huh? Do you wanna become bald?”

But Swan, who had met eyes with me, took out a hair-tie from his pocket and, with Hylli’s hair still in his fist, put it in a little ponytail.

Hylli, who ended up with a short ponytail on his head* frowned as he tried to take it off. When I told him that it suited him, he frowned even harder but gave up.

Just like Swanhaden, he popped out of nowhere.

Swanhaden glanced at my notebook before he quietly muttered to himself.

“Should I make a checkbox just like that. My final goal is…..”

“You should stop.”

“Swan, Shushu’s getting stressed.”

“…..I hate it so much I’m getting chills.”

but before Swanhaden could finish his sentence, the others began chiding him. But Swanhaden scowled and responded, saying, “Who are you to care?”

Swanhaden rested his chin on the bench and peeked at me before turning away. His ears seemed red.

“Shushu, can we see this last part?”

Cory asked as he just read the open part of my notebook. The first section was worn from use, but the last section was still generally unused.

Cory seemed curious–he slid one finger in the last section of my notebook as he stared at me.

“Shushu’s least important goal category…….”“…….You can’t!”

I forgot I had written ‘that’ in the notebook. Before Cory could read all of it, I speedily snatched the notebook away.

At my quick actions, Cory and the other seemed surprised. My heart was pounding. This was one thing that I couldn’t show them. Sorry, guys. Also, you guys are a bit too close. Get off.

“I’m going to go practice.”

Yves’ eyes narrowed at my hurried departure.

Seriously, this was off the table. I was in a bit of shock as I rushed to the training hall. I grabbed my bag and took the wooden sword that Swanhaden had brought for himself as I moved.

“What is it? Is it a journal?”

Yves said, laughter in his voice as he chased after me. The others seemed ready for some mischief as they teased me. Swan didn’t tease me as he said that he would help me practice, but he kept shooting heavy glances at my bag.

Hylli offered to hold my bag from time to time, but I refused because it held my notes. Hylli seemed to have gotten more sly after hanging around with Swan.

I had a feeling that they would read the last section of my notes if this kept going on, so I hugged my bag to my chest as I ran to the training hall.

Thankfully, they didn’t run to chase me, so I slowed down and walked when I was almost there. I dragged Swan’s wooden sword on the ground as I sighed deeply.

I was trying to warm up to calm my beating heart from my previous panic. I was just about to stretch and run a few laps, but, strangely, someone was already there.